Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Men: Never Compliment a Woman You Want to Date

Hello Lucia,

I regularly compliment women and tell them that I am interested in them. Is this the kiss of death? I hear being aloof and stand-offish is more intriguing and works better in trying to get a woman's attention, especially in the beginning. Richard.

Hi Richard,

Yes, complimenting women (especially if theyre attractive) when you first meet them is verboten. Attractive women are used to getting compliments in fact, they expect them. If you tell a woman youve just met that shes beautiful, the dialogue cloud above her head is thinking, Tell me something I dont know. She already knows shes hot. How do you think she got that way? Do you think she just rolled out of bed like that? Since most guys behave that way, youll fall into the category of average and wont stand out from everyone else.

Im going to go out on a limb here and assume that youre about a 7 or less. Why do I think that? Because guys that rate an 8, 9 or 10 rarely compliment women. Its like meeting an equal. You both know youre hot, so it doesnt need to be said. It would be like two geniuses meeting. Do you really think one is going to say to the other: Youre so smart! I dont think so. If youre in the same league, some things are understood. By referring to her beauty, youre sending an unconscious message that youve put her up on a pedestal, are intimidated by her and she would be doing you a favor by dating you. Well, why should she? She has enough guys in her league available to her. Why should she date YOU?

The solution? Never comment on a womans looks when you first meet her or on the first few dates. If you want to give a compliment, give it for something she doesnt normally get noticed for. This could be about how smart she is (this works especially well with attractive women since they rarely get compliments for their brains) or how good she is with _____________ (children, pets, salespeople).

The only time I would suggest complimenting a woman you want to meet is if its someone you see on a regular basis, such as at school or at the gym. In that case, very confidently go up to her and say something like: I just want to thank you for making the world a better place with your beauty. After she says thank you, immediately walk away. Shell be intrigued that you didnt try to start a conversation with her or get her number. Whenever you see her after that, just smile and say hello. If she doesnt eventually start a conversation with you, you can start a short one with her, but wait until youve been saying hello to each other for at least several weeks.

Are compliments ever appropriate? Of course! After youve been dating for a while, it would be classless not to compliment her on her looks, especially if shes all dressed up. She probably spent a lot of time getting ready, and if you dont say anything, shell notice and she wont be too happy about it! Say something like: Youre amazingly beautiful. How did I get so lucky?

How Long Should You Wait to Call Women You Have Had Sex With Them?

Listen up guys. I can't begin to tell you how important this tip is. After you have had sex with a woman you must call her the very next day (this is especially critical for a woman you have just met or very early in a relationship.)

So, what's the big deal? It's a very, very big deal to a woman giving her body to you. It's very special to her and she expects to hear from you the next day. If she doesn't she will feel used and that you don't have any respect for her. The bad thing about this is she may be so upset and angry towards you that she won't care to have intimate relations with you again and that's bad news for you.

You really need to call her the next day just out of respect, if for no other reason. There's an exception to the rule. That is if you really were just using her for sex and don't care to see her again. In other words, a one-night stand, which us guys are notorious for. Please guys, if it really was just a one-night stand, don't lead her on by misleading her into thinking that you care for her and want to start a relationship with her. Just don't call her at all.

So, what do you say when you call her the next day? Say something like this, "_____________(her name), I just called to tell you I really enjoyed making love to you last night and I want you to know that I think you are a very special lady." Just this simple sentence will make a good impression on her and make her feel special and that you care about her.

If you get her answering machine be sure thank her for an enjoyable evening and tell her that she is a special lady. Don't mention the making love part on her answering machine. Someone else may hear this message and it could be embarrassing to her.

In closing, guys please follow this advice. You will save a lot of broken hearts and make a lot of women happy. By not following my own advice in the past, I can't tell you how many times I would not call the next day and I would run into these women at the nightclubs I hung out at and when they saw me they would give me "go to hell" looks and be very cold towards me.